DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Text me some of your sweat
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
