She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
