shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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