Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
