You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
