You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
