i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
