hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
