you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
