Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
