Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
