I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
