Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
