i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
