i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
