She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
