Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
