I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
