Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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