and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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