His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
