She is in my trunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
