Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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