oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
