Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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