So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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