he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
