ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i love accidental penises.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
