oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
only if we run a train.
done.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
