Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
