From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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