i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
