my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
wow bdsm is so cute
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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