I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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