I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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