i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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