6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
