I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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