ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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