her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
