Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
this hospital has no fireball
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
