Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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