I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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