I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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