I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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