Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
