Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
