Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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