worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish my penis had a tongue
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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