At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
