I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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