if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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