my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
