i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
and you fell through a lawn chair
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
