No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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