I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
