I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
