WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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